Since I posted the last entry? I have neglected myself in a huge way.
It is beginning to show.
I am falling.....falling fast.
I have tried to be the mother that everyone thinks I am.
I am failing....failing faster than I am falling.
I want to succeed.
Please, God, help me to be the mom you created me to be.
Please, God, help my daughter be the young woman you created her to be.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Reflections of a mother
I am sitting here, drinking my coffee, wondering where time goes to.
It was just a few days ago that I was bringing home my 2.5 lb baby, all wrapped up in a doll dress, with diapers that swallowed her whole....and now, she is off, out of my house, out of my control, in a big ol' school, in an apartment that she has helped decorate, getting ready to embark on her own adventure.
Gone are the days of calling me from high school, asking me to bring her something or, just to say "hi". Gone are the days I can just jump in the car and go sign her out for lunch down the street at Ruth's. No more quickie trips to the mall at night just to "check things out".
Gone are the days of standing in the grocery store for hours at a time, calling different companies to find out if their "natural flavorings" involve any type of wheat, barley, rye or oats.
Gone the hours of wondering, worrying, crying because she is sooo sick from something she ate and not being able to help her or to figure out what it was she was contaminated with.
As much as some of those days were a pain, I am going to sooo miss them. What will I do with myself?
I am sure I will find things to occupy myself. Like catching up with my album projects...better finish her high school album first. Going to lunch with Mitch. Going on his out of town trips with him.....and, not having to wake up at 5:30 to make sure she is up. I will take up a new hobby....learn something new. I will make time for God, for my friends, for things I love.
But, in the meantime, I will take time to reflect on all that has been and look to the future for all that will be.....pray for that little girl...that she becomes all that she can be...that the future is all that she wants it to be.....in the meantime....
"MY WISH FOR YOU"............you know the words!! I just don't want to cry again!!
It was just a few days ago that I was bringing home my 2.5 lb baby, all wrapped up in a doll dress, with diapers that swallowed her whole....and now, she is off, out of my house, out of my control, in a big ol' school, in an apartment that she has helped decorate, getting ready to embark on her own adventure.
Gone are the days of calling me from high school, asking me to bring her something or, just to say "hi". Gone are the days I can just jump in the car and go sign her out for lunch down the street at Ruth's. No more quickie trips to the mall at night just to "check things out".
Gone are the days of standing in the grocery store for hours at a time, calling different companies to find out if their "natural flavorings" involve any type of wheat, barley, rye or oats.
Gone the hours of wondering, worrying, crying because she is sooo sick from something she ate and not being able to help her or to figure out what it was she was contaminated with.
As much as some of those days were a pain, I am going to sooo miss them. What will I do with myself?
I am sure I will find things to occupy myself. Like catching up with my album projects...better finish her high school album first. Going to lunch with Mitch. Going on his out of town trips with him.....and, not having to wake up at 5:30 to make sure she is up. I will take up a new hobby....learn something new. I will make time for God, for my friends, for things I love.
But, in the meantime, I will take time to reflect on all that has been and look to the future for all that will be.....pray for that little girl...that she becomes all that she can be...that the future is all that she wants it to be.....in the meantime....
"MY WISH FOR YOU"............you know the words!! I just don't want to cry again!!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Gator Excitement!!
Sometimes I wonder, "am I too devoted to my college team?" and then, I say, "NO WAY!!" Really, though, I do love the college that I attended. It gave me an incredible start in life....as a teacher. The things I learned there, in addition to the life lessons, were a valuable asset to me as I started out in my life.
Today, January 8th, 2009, is a big day for the university. One that I pray doesn't affect whether Bekah gets in, but, one that actually keeps them on the map as one of the greatest in the country in more than just some things....most things!!
Tonight, at 8 p.m. EST, The Gators take on Oklahoma University Sooners in Miami for the National Championship game in Football. You can bet that Mitch and I will be glued, like millions of others in the country. We will be wearing our colors, eating our tailgate food, (even tho we will be in the t.v. room) and screaming and high fiving as tho we are there in real life. It is fun. We would love to have been there but, at 1500 a ticket, it just wasn't possible or practical. Our hearts will be there. I will remember the pictures I was able to get of Tim Tebow, at the SEC championship game, as I watch the boys play. My prayers will be for health, injury free, football....and, if God is not too busy, I pray that that He will find favor with Tim, the boys he has lead to Christ, and his commitment to the Almighty!! Honor that, dear God.
GO GATORS!!!
Today, January 8th, 2009, is a big day for the university. One that I pray doesn't affect whether Bekah gets in, but, one that actually keeps them on the map as one of the greatest in the country in more than just some things....most things!!
Tonight, at 8 p.m. EST, The Gators take on Oklahoma University Sooners in Miami for the National Championship game in Football. You can bet that Mitch and I will be glued, like millions of others in the country. We will be wearing our colors, eating our tailgate food, (even tho we will be in the t.v. room) and screaming and high fiving as tho we are there in real life. It is fun. We would love to have been there but, at 1500 a ticket, it just wasn't possible or practical. Our hearts will be there. I will remember the pictures I was able to get of Tim Tebow, at the SEC championship game, as I watch the boys play. My prayers will be for health, injury free, football....and, if God is not too busy, I pray that that He will find favor with Tim, the boys he has lead to Christ, and his commitment to the Almighty!! Honor that, dear God.
GO GATORS!!!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Dreary Days/Joyful but sad thoughts
Such a dreary day....makes me want to get back into the bed, pull the cool crisp sheets over my body and go back to sleep....so, what do I do instead? I get up, I get myself cleaned up, dressed and start the day...looking for ways to combat the dreary feelings in my body and head.
I choose to do something that I love...scrapbooking. Looking at the pictures of those I care most about, and me doing those things that I love. Today, I am mostly journaling, an activity that I only dislike because I hate writing everything out, but, love remembering the special moments that I am writing about.
Today, I just journaled about a special visit from a very special friend. She and I met on the internet...through a scrapbooking message board. We got to meet irl a couple of years ago, in her world. Last January, she came into my world......and shared my family with me.....and experienced things that are a bit different here in the states.
I realized while I looked at those pictures, she really does live a different life than me. Now, the everyday things are basically the same...taking care of the home, taking care of the kids (although her girls are still just that, girls, while mine are now young women) tending to our sweet husbands and their needs, and, of course, scrapbooking!! But, at closer glance, we are worlds apart. We are separated by some vast differences. On days she wakes up to snow, I wake up to sunshine and daisies, she sees mountains, I see oceans, she eats scones, I eat biscuits (which really are NOT the same thing no matter what the lady at the Cracker Barrel says) she uses different phrases and words to say the same things.....some of them being a whole lot nicer than the American version) like we say HUH??? and they, here comes the nicer version, say eh?? Means the same thing?? Whaaaaaa?? Just sounds nicer. She spells similar words different than me....using the ou combination quite often, which I have started to do and it is driving my family and friends nuts.....they think I am wrong when I put colour instead of color!!
I realized something else when looking at the pictures of she and I last Jan. I miss her, I really do, alot!! I wish we were closer. I know we could be fast friends....those special type of "girl" friends. I know I can trust her. I could tell her anything and noone would ever hear about it....and she could do the same with me. I need that. Everyone needs that. I crave it!! I have been kicked so many times by other "friends" that I am slow to trust and bare my heart to some other female!!!
Basically, what I am trying to say, is I love her....as a friend of course. She knows who she is. I hope she knows how I feel!!!
I choose to do something that I love...scrapbooking. Looking at the pictures of those I care most about, and me doing those things that I love. Today, I am mostly journaling, an activity that I only dislike because I hate writing everything out, but, love remembering the special moments that I am writing about.
Today, I just journaled about a special visit from a very special friend. She and I met on the internet...through a scrapbooking message board. We got to meet irl a couple of years ago, in her world. Last January, she came into my world......and shared my family with me.....and experienced things that are a bit different here in the states.
I realized while I looked at those pictures, she really does live a different life than me. Now, the everyday things are basically the same...taking care of the home, taking care of the kids (although her girls are still just that, girls, while mine are now young women) tending to our sweet husbands and their needs, and, of course, scrapbooking!! But, at closer glance, we are worlds apart. We are separated by some vast differences. On days she wakes up to snow, I wake up to sunshine and daisies, she sees mountains, I see oceans, she eats scones, I eat biscuits (which really are NOT the same thing no matter what the lady at the Cracker Barrel says) she uses different phrases and words to say the same things.....some of them being a whole lot nicer than the American version) like we say HUH??? and they, here comes the nicer version, say eh?? Means the same thing?? Whaaaaaa?? Just sounds nicer. She spells similar words different than me....using the ou combination quite often, which I have started to do and it is driving my family and friends nuts.....they think I am wrong when I put colour instead of color!!
I realized something else when looking at the pictures of she and I last Jan. I miss her, I really do, alot!! I wish we were closer. I know we could be fast friends....those special type of "girl" friends. I know I can trust her. I could tell her anything and noone would ever hear about it....and she could do the same with me. I need that. Everyone needs that. I crave it!! I have been kicked so many times by other "friends" that I am slow to trust and bare my heart to some other female!!!
Basically, what I am trying to say, is I love her....as a friend of course. She knows who she is. I hope she knows how I feel!!!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
New Year, New Plan
New Year? 2009.
New Plan? lots of things
1. I will strive to be more committed to my goals.
2. I will strive to be a better wife/mother/friend
3. I will thank God everyday for the "things" He has blessed me with
4. I will spend time in The Word each and everyday
5. I will spend time talking to God everyday
6. I will do something nice for each person in my family each and every day
7. I will tell each person in my family that I love them everyday
8. I will try NOT to react before praying when presented with something that I don't like
9. I will maintain contact with those I love more often
10. I will, most of all, with God's leading, do what I can to further HIS kingdom and, in so doing, develop lifelong friendships with those He chooses, not me.
11. I will concentrate on taking care of the body He has given me and thank Him for it, even though I wouldn't mind a different/more whole one!!
12. I will set an example for both of my children, no matter how old they get, of what a Godly woman should be.
13. I will set an example for my girls of how a Godly WIFE should behave, not having to have the last word, but, loving and giving my all!!!!
14. I will begin my day asking God for help to accomplish all the above.
New Plan? lots of things
1. I will strive to be more committed to my goals.
2. I will strive to be a better wife/mother/friend
3. I will thank God everyday for the "things" He has blessed me with
4. I will spend time in The Word each and everyday
5. I will spend time talking to God everyday
6. I will do something nice for each person in my family each and every day
7. I will tell each person in my family that I love them everyday
8. I will try NOT to react before praying when presented with something that I don't like
9. I will maintain contact with those I love more often
10. I will, most of all, with God's leading, do what I can to further HIS kingdom and, in so doing, develop lifelong friendships with those He chooses, not me.
11. I will concentrate on taking care of the body He has given me and thank Him for it, even though I wouldn't mind a different/more whole one!!
12. I will set an example for both of my children, no matter how old they get, of what a Godly woman should be.
13. I will set an example for my girls of how a Godly WIFE should behave, not having to have the last word, but, loving and giving my all!!!!
14. I will begin my day asking God for help to accomplish all the above.
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